


Dorm Shenanigans

by HiMiKaDaFaNgIrL



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chaos Ensues, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dorm Shenanigans, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I dont really know what im doing, M/M, Multi, amami cooks, and oh my god they were roommates, basically the bois share a dorm and this is what probably happens in there, but we love him, chapters on the short side, dormroom shenanigans, korekiyo is relatable, model rantaro, momota cant do laundry for shit, no beta we die like men, ouma is a sneaky lil shit, ouma saihara momota and amami share a dorm, saihara is tired, someone save saihara, the entire cast gets here at some point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26545375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiMiKaDaFaNgIrL/pseuds/HiMiKaDaFaNgIrL
Summary: A clown, a bro, a tired detective (in training) (shut up shuichi you're plenty capable) and a part time model live together. What the hell were you expecting if not chao- I mean, heartwarming stories of growing friendship and love? Add in a dash of gay and voila. Your dream ndrv3 (kinda not really) crackfic (no its not a crackfic its pretty deep) (but then again im a dumbass so whats deep to me might not be to you) (chapters are a bit on the short side)Find me anywhere with HiMiKaDaFaNgIrL . maybe come scream at me for not updating on tumblr. idk man human interaction is nice. If you have any chapter ideas, feel free to comment! or just comment, its nice to receive feedback :DGuess what, guess what! I have a beta now! thank you Leta!!! I love you sm go find her on insta@letahhhhh
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Harukawa Maki, Akamatsu Kaede/Amami Rantaro, Amami Rantaro & Oma Kokichi, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, Momota Kaito & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 97
Kudos: 161





	1. kaito meets poltergeist. is this foreshadowing?

**Author's Note:**

> Many apologies I'm never funny enough to write crack, this entire fic is very much SAP.  
> im himikadafangirl on tumblr :) I use HiMiKaDaFaNgIrL everywhere, btw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a banner!!

Shuichi wasn’t too worried. It couldn’t go _that_ horrendously wrong, right?

Still, as he bid his uncle goodbye and lugged his belongings to his room, he had the absurd urge to take off down the stairs and run back to the car and say he wanted an off year; no way was he ready to do this. 

Too late to turn back now.

Anyways, he had Kaito to support him! His middle school best friend was happy to room with him when he found out they’d be going to the same university. They’d kept in touch, but Shuichi couldn’t be sure if Kaito’s friendly, easy-going nature had changed. Hand hovering over the doorknob, he thought, _Maybe if I run fast enough I could make it back to the ca-_

_“_ HEY SHUICHI, BRO! IT'S BEEN SO LONG! I MISSED YOU!” the door slammed open.

Yeah, definitely no going back now.

"Hey Kaito,” Shuichi gave a nervous smile.

Loud and boisterous or not, he was glad he met Kaito first.

“Buddy, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m kind of terrified of the other guy to be honest. Since he’s gotten here all he’s done is smile at me creepily. Then, he locked himself in his room and the only things I can hear are giggling and lots of crashes and I’m seriously scared bro-” Kaito was ranting now.

“Kaito, breathe,” Shuichi said, now genuinely concerned. What sort of weirdo was this roommate?

“Like, I’m just assuming he’s our roommate since he was able to get in here but oh fuck what if he’s a poltergeist or something-” Kaito was turning alarmingly pale.

“Kaito, I’m ninety nine point nine percent sure our roommate is NOT a poltergeist, “Shuichi began, but was interrupted by a door creaking open. 

“Wouldn’t want to chance that zero point one percent, now, would you?”

All eyes flew to the short boy with purple hair that stuck up everywhere. His endearing, large eyes sparkled with mirth. The boy gave a small chuckle before continuing, “Though a poltergeist is one of the better things I’ve been called.”

Kaito looked embarrassed. “Aha, I, uh, sorry man. I didn’t mean to offend, I was just scar- no, nah, I was just surprised. The Luminary of the Stars isn’t afraid of anything! I was just testing you, bro.”

“Right,” the other boy rolled his eyes. “No need to apologize. Not everyone has more than five functioning brain cells, after all,” he smirked.

“HEY NOW WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!” kaito huffed angrily.

Shuichi held Kaito back and hurriedly introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Shuichi Saihara. This is Kaito Momota,” he gestured at Kaito.

“I’m Kokichi Ouma! I’m also a Mafia boss, but you didn’t hear that from me,” he placed his hands on his hips. “peasants like you are lucky to know my real name!”

At Shuichi’s questioning look, Kokichi winked and said, “Just kidding! Or maybe not!” he finished with a sinister smile.

_Looks like we’ve got a real oddball here,_ thought Shuichi. He sighed. MAybe this eccentric and weird (but with a deceptively youthful and innocent appearance that Shuichi could admit was appealing) boy wouldn’t be so bad?

“Kidding or not, we’ll be spending a lot of time together, so I think it’s in even your best interests to get along,” Shuichi tried for a friendly smile.

“That’s definitely what I was hoping to hear,” a smooth, attractive voice said. 

Right on cue, the third dramatic entrance of the day.

Shuichi’s poor, disastrous bi heart was probably going to combust if he had to encounter any more pretty boys.

Unfortunately, this fourth roommate looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine, with silky pale green hair leaning over his face and green eyes framed thickly with dark lashes.

Oh, and with piercings too.

“I’m Rantaro Amami,” The newcomer said with an easy grin. “And I think we’re going to have one hell of a year together.”


	2. awkward bean meets dumb but actually kind of smart bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi kork.

Korekiyo was aware he made people uncomfortable. He preferred solitude anyways, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to speak to anyone at all. After all, interacting with humanity was the best way to observe the beauty of humanity. 

Perhaps he should speak to someone now. It wouldn’t hurt to better know his neighbours. He decided to initiate conversation with first non-hostile person he saw.

Ah, there’s one right there. Rather an eccentric appearance, what with that audacious purple hair and goatee, but that was the beauty of humanity, he supposed. (And anyway, Korekiyo wasn’t one to judge, since his own slightly feminine but mostly creepy appearance wasn’t what most people would consider ‘normal’)

“Hello there,” Korekiyo tried to keep his voice friendly.

The goatee-man turned to face him and broke into a grin.

“Oh hey man! you _are_ a man, right? Wouldn’t want to offend,” taking Korekiyo’s silence for assent, he continued, "You’re moving in here too, right? Great to meetcha! I’m Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars! Didja need something?” He finally stopped to hear Korekiyo speak.

Which was bad.

Because in his haste to meet someone and socialize, he forgot to think of a topic for conversation. Oh no. This meant he had to wing it, and Korekiyo winging anything meant absolute disaster.

“I am Korekiyo Shinguji. You can call me Kiyo,” He said.

Kaito waited for him to continue.

“Would you ever want to be immortal?” Kiyo blurted, mildly surprising Kaito.

He fully expected someone like Kaito to say, _Hell yeah! I’d love to be immortal, that’d be so cool!_

“Nah, it’s kind of comforting knowing that one day this will all just be done.” 

Kiyo was not expecting that answer. _(but that was the unexpected shrewdness of humanity.)_

“Oh,” Kiyo breathed.

Then Kaito got a really thoughtful look on his face.

_Perhaps he is an intellectual. I wonder what beautiful thing he will say next?_

“Also, I’d have to watch all my pals die and that’s really lame,” Kaito broke out of his reverie, grinning.

Ah. _(Maybe Kiyo wasn’t so good at reading people.)_

“Kaito, come back here! Help us move the fridge!” A voice came from inside Kaito’s dorm.

“Yeah, if there aren’t any brains, there’s got to be brawns, amirite?” A childish voice teased, voice raised to make sure Kaito would hear it.

Kaito huffed and puffed and went back into his room after waving Kiyo goodbye.

 _But perhaps the unexpected is what truly makes humanity beautiful,_ Kiyo mused.

**————————————–x—-B O N U S—-x——————————————-**

“Wow, that was a pretty weird guy. I hope I don’t get left alone with him again…” Kaito mumbled under his breath.

 _What have I told you about judging people from appearances, Kai-chan?_ Kaito mentally flinched when he heard his grandmother’s chiding voice in his head.

At least he hoped it was his head. 

But chiding or not, his grandmother was usually right. Wouldn’t hurt to give the guy a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to granny momota. BE POLITE OR DEATH :)


	3. if anyone makes one more fucking short joke-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff oumasai sweet babies

Kokichi did not know what to do. He needed to put his stuff on this shelf but he was, unfortunately too short to reach up comfortably. He could either risk injury to his body by jumping up, or risk injury to his pride by asking someone else for help.

And no, there wasn’t anything wrong with asking for help. But he didn’t know what kind of people his roommates were, and he really wasn’t in the mood to be the butt of shorty jokes for possibly the rest of his life.

Maybe he shouldn’t have brought along _literally almost everything he owned._

_Yeah, that could’ve saved me right now…_

Maybe he could grab a stool while no one was looking. Yeah, that sounded better than both breaking a leg and/or being mockingly patted on the head.

“Uh, um you…” a hand gently tapped his shoulder.

Kokichi quickly whipped his head around to face the intruder.

It was the soft-spoken boy with long lashes.

Kokichi hastily wiped the look of surprise off his face and beamed. “Yeah, I?”

“You… look like you could use a hand?” Shuichi looked to the side, suddenly bashful.

_Interesting_

“Not really. What I do need is a couple of inches of height, to be honest,” Kokichi teased, just because he could.

Shuichi somehow became even more flustered and wildly waved his arms about.

“Ah, ah I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be rude! I would really like to help you though. If you’d let me, of course!” Shuichi stammered out.

Kokichi tilted his head.

_Curious._

Then he grinned brightly and said, “Yeah, sure! I’d love that!”

“So um… Ouma-kun, do you collect video games?” Shuichi finally addressed the elephant in the room.

“No, why do you ask?”

“…”

No, not an elephant in a metaphorical sense. 

A literal one.

All over the floor, there was a mountain of comic books, video games and different varieties of paper.

“Just kidding. Yeah, I do. I draw too,” Kokichi smilingly admitted. He kept up his carefree facade, internally scrutinizing the other’s facial expressions and manner.

Kokichi will pretend to not see Shuichi’s eyes widen and sparkle.

He will pretend he does not see the cute smile on this shy boy with absurdly long lashes.

“That’s so great! Do you um, maybe mind if I look at them?” Shuichi asked the last part tentatively.

_**Is this person sincere?** _

Kokichi decided to give him a chance. 

“Knock yourself out,” he said, placing his hands behind his head.

Shuffling through the papers, Shuichi smiled at everyone dumb doodle of every plump poodle that Kokichi had ever drawn. 

_(He draws things other than poodles too, but those were for his eyes only.)_

“These are so cool! You draw dogs so well. And this… this is a dragon, right?”

Kokichi found that his throat had clammed up and that he couldn’t speak, so he nodded mutely.

“It’s beautiful! The details are so gorgeous. You put a lot of effort and care into these, huh…”

_(But maybe he could consider showing them to Shuichi.)_

“I… Yeah, I do! Obviously! Do I look like the kind of person who does things half-assed?” Kokichi grinned wider, seemingly unaffected by the praise.

But Shuichi tilted his head a little, as if he could see the gears whirring in Ouma’s head, who was screaming internally, trying to process the fact that he was way too emotional from simply getting complimented by some emo dude who was stupidly pretty and blushed too much-

You know what?

_**Ouma really hoped this person was sincere.** _

**———————————————–bonus—————————————————**

Rantaro poked his head in the room he was supposed to share with Kokichi.

Only to meet with something very unexpected.

Rantaro had known Kokichi for a while, and the two were good friends, but Kokichi had taken a while to warm up to him.

But here he was, in all his trickster glory, talking to a flustered Shuichi with a genuine smile that Kokichi himself probably hadn’t noticed on his face.

 _This was going to be a good year,_ Rantaro smiled before closing the door softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel you, ouma


	4. someone please teach me how to do laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> amami is disgusted, he is revolted. how in god's name could you even think of mixing silk and wool-

Kaito’s got this. He’s the Luminary of the stars, something like laundry was definitely not going to be the end of him!

And besides, he’s just been here a week or so there can’t possibly be _that_ many clothes…

Oh.

There _were_ that many clothes.

He had somehow forgotten that he sweated like a pig and constantly changed clothes. Which meant there was a huge pile of laundry to be done.

And Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, had no idea how to do laundry.

It’s not like he didn’t have any clue at all about cleaning clothes. But he can safely and with his manliness intact say that the washing machine scared him. Just a little.

(sure buddy whatever lets you sleep at night)

Kaito opened the door of the washing machine, subtly checking his surroundings to make sure that if he accidentally screamed no one would be around to hear it.

He knew there was something about sorting the clothes according to colour…?

Oh who even cared, it’s not like anything could explode in there.

Or wait, could it?! It’s not like Kaito would know, since his grandmother always took care of his laundry

_Damn, I wish Gran were here right now…_

_Though Gran would probably just laugh at me_ , Kaito rubbed his goatee.

Abandoning all hope, Kaito threw all his clothes into the washing machine and was about to sigh when he heard someone screech.

And no not the kind of screech you make when you stub your toe or get bitten by something under your bed (don’t ask-)

It was a horrified, seemingly offended screech.

Kaito calmly (and without wetting his pants) turned around and saw the person he was least expecting.

Rantaro Amami stood at the doorway of the laundry room, looking as if he were staring at a bloody murder scene.

“Uh, Momota what are you doing?” Rantaro’s voice went back to its usual deep pitch, but he still looked horrified.

“Laundry?” Kaito tried to give a confident smile, instead looking like he bit into a lemon.

“You’re washing your towels and your jeans together?? With a woollen sweater??” Rantaro’s voice rose slightly at the end.

Kaito just looked at him like a confused puppy. Like he hadn’t just committed a crime against humanity.

Rantaro took pity on him.

“You don’t know how to do laundry?” Rantaro asked softly.

“I- of course I do what do you me-” Kaito quickly looked away at Ranatro’s ’how fucking stupid do you think I am?’ stare.

“Well uh yeah no, I don’t know how to do laundry.”

“You could’ve just said so, you know. I would’ve helped you,” Rantaro folded his arms, grinning slightly.

“But doesn’t everyone know how to do laundry? I don’t like being ostrich-sized! You know, like a freaky outsider. The way an ostrich feels around regular birds!” Kaito spoke passionately.

“Do you… mean ostracized?”

“Whatever the hell, man!”

Amami rubbed his temples. “Forget it,” he gave his usual smooth smile. “Would you like me to show you how?

“I… yeah, man.”

———————————————xBONUSx————————————————

“There now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Rantaro lightly patted Kaito’s shoulder.

“I guess not. Thanks a lot for helping me out, man. You’re really cool! I bet Shuichi would like you…” Kaito trailed off at the end.

Rantaro glanced at where Kaito was looking.

“Speak of the devil…” Rantaro said.

Shuichi was pacing in front of the elevator, clutching at his hair and muttering incomprehensibly.

The duo slowly walked to The Distressed Emo™

Rantaro tapped Shuichi on the back. “Uh hey there Saihara-kun. You OK?”

Kaito grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “Shuichi, bro, snap out of it! What’s wrong?”

Saihara looked up at them like he just noticed they were there.

With a pleading smile, he said, “I don’t know how to do laundry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amami is Done™


	5. ultimate betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rantaro how fucking could you-

It was evening. All was calm in the Ouma-Saihara-Momota-Amami household and there was an air of serenity, which was unusual since the resident peacekeeper, one Rantaro Amami was currently not present in the dorms.

Ouma was rather annoyed. To provide context, he, Amami and Momota were in the middle of a doodling game when Amami jolted like had been struck by a bolt of lightning and ran out of the room while hastily grabbing his wallet.

 _Cryptic much?_ thought Ouma.

“Momota-chan, I’m getting bored waiting for Ramami-chan to get baaaaack~” Ouma whined as stretched over the couch. 

Kaito gave himself whiplash turning to face Ouma and glared at him _hard_. “Don’t even fucking think of disturbing Shuichi. I’ll beat you up!”

 _Sigh_. Saihara would be fun to tease and play with, but he was holed up in his room doing something ‘important’. Didn’t he see that Kokichi was obviously much more interesting and important?

_Ha. Nice one. As if anyone could like a nasty, annoying, lying weirdo like him. Which idiot would prioritize him? He was just a bothersome roommate they couldn’t wait to get ri-_

“Hey uh… where’s Amami-san?” Shuichi had finally come out of his room, in the manner of a vampire being exposed to a bright light. _Sheesh_ , this guy sure was something else.

“Oh hey Shuichi! You’re finally out of there! Amami said he had some kind of revelation and had to go to the store immediately, though I don’t know much about that,” Kaito said, pulling Shuichi down to the couch.

“It’s not just that, you just don’t really know much about things in general, Momota-chan!” Ouma snickered.

“Ouma you piece of shi-”

“Well this is a wonderful scene I’m coming back to,” Amami said in that unbothered voice that had a touch of disappointment in it. 

It worked, Kaito instantly looked sheepish. Ouma however, ran up to Amami and threw his arms around the other’s middle.

“Ramami-chan! Idiot-chan was bullying me! Use your big brother voice on him!” He yelled.

Rantaro looked him dead in the eye and then at the shopping bags on his arms. 

Ouma very reluctantly let go of him.

He did not, however, stop his rambling. “Whatcha got there? You’ve been gone for such a long time! I was so booored, and Saihara-chan wouldn’t play with me…”

“Ah, my apologies, Ouma-kun, my uncle needed me so-”

“Yeah, yeah whatever, Mr. Emo! I’m waiting to hear Ramami-chan’s confession!”

Ouma wondered if he was imagining the slightly put-out expression on Saihara’s face.

“Well, Ouma, you might want to cover your ears. I’m about to say something sappy, sincere, emotional and painfully honest,” Amami smirked.

Ouma faked a gasp. “Ramami-chaaaaan how could you-”

“So guys, I know we’ve barely known each other for two weeks but, I’m so glad it’s you guys I got to meet. Kokichi and I have known each other a while, so I apologize on his behalf if he sometimes angers you guys. He’d never say it, but I’m sure at this point he’s gotten really attached to you two,” Ouma looked like he was about to protest this, but Rantaro ruffled Ouma’s hair and silenced him. “Is it weird to say that I’ve got a good feeling about the year ahead of us? I care about you guys a lot already, and tonight, I just wanted to do something special. Just so we can mark today as ‘that one day Amami made that embarrassing speech about his damn feelings’.”

“Bro! You’re great too! Ouma can be a little shit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle! I’m glad I got to meet you guys too! You especially, Amami, are a bro of the highest order.” Kaito looked ridiculously proud of his dumb speech. 

Why does everyone have to share their _feelings_?

Well Saihara-chan hasn’t said anything so-

“I’m really happy I’m friends with you guys too…” Shuichi said shyly, rubbing his neck.

Well damn.

They all looked at him expectantly.

“What, were you expecting me to blindly say I trust you all and love you oh so much? Nahhh, I really couldn’t care less!”

Even Kaito could tell that was a lie.

Amami chuckled. “We’ll make you eat your words someday, Kokichi”

“Speaking of eating, I’m kinda hungry…” Shuichi spoke up. 

“Ah, yeah! That’s supposed to be the surprise. I’m going to cook tonight!” Rantaro grinned.

“Oh man, thanks a bunch!” Kaito cheered.

And thus they waited around two hours for Amami to finish his hurried scampering in the kitchen.

Ouma’s mouth watered at the delicious aroma of…. was that pork? 

The air in the dorm was spiced and heavy, and Saihara looked like he was about to keel over.

“I’m done! Guys, help me set the table?” Rantaro called.

Once they were all seated, Ouma took a good long look at his food.

No one noticed. Kaito and Shuichi (surprisingly, considering his meek personality) were devouring the thick stew with gusto. Amami was very carefully taking pictures to post on his social media for the thirsty hoes who followed him.

Ouma tried to take a bite.

And screamed.

“WHY IS THERE A PIG’S FOOT IN THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

“IT’S ITALIAN, KOKICHI.”

———————–xBonusx————————–

approximately 30 years later…

“Hey Rantaro remember that one time you tried to fucking POISON me-”

“GOD, OUMA I’VE APOLOGIZED FOR THAT FIVE HUNDRED TIMES WHY THE FU-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amami is innocent, but this ouma p.o.v and pig feet are a grave sin so dont @ me-


	6. Doodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hELLO THERE

So so uh Hi!!!!! I havent posted anything in a while, sorry about that! This work hasn't been given up on at all, far from it actually. I have a lot of motivation to write, but I have exams right now, lmao. My exams will be done by the 8th of October, but since ive missed lazing around with my friends, im just gonna goof around with them for a while after too so,, I guess you can expect something by 10th October. Have this doodle I made as an apology~


	7. late night snacks and lesbians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My only two irl weeb friends have finally finished sdr2 and have started on drv3 im so excited!!!!! they already listen to me ramble, but now they can ramble along with me! this is fantastic! OHH sorry i didn't post on 10th, i was having an identity crisis and watching legally blonde :)

Best friends they may be, but Rantaro knew Kokichi wasn’t going to simply let him go after the pig foot incident. And Rantaro was a good, caring friend who valued Kokichi and that must be why he was doing this.

Ouma better appreciate him, or he would make him _suffer_ , big brother personality or not.

Because they were at 7 Eleven at 2:30 in the morning and Rantaro wanted to die.

_“Man it’s so annoying that the convenience store near campus is closed! The owner must be a jerk!” Ouma had said, grinning._

_“Yeah, I really do wonder why they wouldn’t stay open just for you at 3AM, I know right?” Amami said dryly, his lack of sleep clearly starting to affect his filter._

Ouma cheerily got out of the car, looking for all the world like a kid about to visit an amusement park. But he went everywhere like that, thought Amami. With a childlike hunger for more, with large eyes that want everything the world has to offer and then demand the rest or take it by force.

Maybe Amami was babying him too much. But then again, Ouma definitely deserved someone to baby him now.

So Amami sighed, locked the car and looked at Ouma with a weary fondness, not expecting whatever tumbled off the short boy’s mouth next.

“Woah, I can’t believe we’re finally here, I never thought we’d make it!”

Amami silently seethed. “Oh for fuck’s sake, my driving isn’t that bad!”

“Nishishi, that was just a lie! Or maybe I’m lying now to get back in your good graces....”

Amami smiled like the trooper he was. “Even though that was dripping with sarcasm, and definitely not genuine, I’ll take it.”

Ouma beamed back at him.

Walking to the entrance, Amami wondered aloud, “Hey, Kokichi, do you ever, like, chill?”

Ouma first looked at him incredulously and then turned pensive. “No, not really,” He said with a sad grin.

“Well, you better chill now, because I’m treating you. Go crazy,” Amami said, instantly regretting his words. Oh no. Who in their right mind would encourage Kokichi Ouma to _go crazy_?! A sleep-deprived enabler, that’s who. Maybe that had been his plan the entire time.

“Well if you’re asking so nicely, I can’t refuse, now can I?” a slow, evil smile spread over his face.

“Mercy on my broke student wallet, please.”

“Says the rich, famous, model.”

“Ouma please.”

“We’ll see,” Ouma smirked, rubbing his chin in thought.

As soon as they were in the store, they (i.e. Ouma) went over to the candy section.

Which is where they met a tiny girl with cherry red hair who was staring intently at the gummy bears.

Rantaro stood back, far away and let the short people do their thing.

As expected, Ouma couldn’t leave the girl alone for long.

“Hey, hey! Do you like candy?” Ouma jumped up to her.

The girl gave him a tired glare. “Figure it out, I’m in the candy section, aren’t I?”

Ouma looked surprised at her reply, even more so when she mumbled quietly, “Nyeh, Tenko was right, boys are a pain...”

And then she dropped the approximately 40 bags of gummy bears she was carrying. 

“Ooo, you so clumsy girl! Gotta be more careful there, shorty!” Ouma beamed.

The girl managed to look more tired and more annoyed than ever, if that was possible. To be honest, with Ouma, that definitely was plausible.

Mean and nasty he may be, but let no one tell you that Ouma wasn’t a gentleman. 

He helped the tiny one pick up her sweets. 

This was only his third mistake, his first one was going within 3 meters of the girl. Because as soon as the last packet had been picked up, he heard a loud “HIYAAAA” that made him want to hide behind the redhead.

“Who are you and why are you near my girlfriend?!” The one with the weird hair accessories said.

“If you’re talking about this tiny one here, I was only going to ask for sour candy recommendations, I swear! I’m also gay!” Ouma threw his hands up and attempted to slowly walk away from the couple.

“Is that true, Himiko-chan?” 

Himiko shrugged and looked disinterested as she mumbled, “It’s a short people thing.”

“Oh okay then! Let’s go!” Tenko seemed quite bubbly for someone who was up at 3AM.

Thus was the story of how the grape and the cherry met for the first time.

\------------------BONUS--------------------

Ouma was quiet on the car ride, shockingly.

But as soon as he got back in the dorm room, he started chattering.

“Geez, that girl was terrifying! Really, people should give me a heads-up before murdering me! How inconsiderate, people these days...” Ouma shook his head, muttering about the audacity of that girl to try to murder him without his consent. 

“Look, if I die, it's gonna be a huge party! the best one ever! And everyone’s invited!” Ouma cheered.

“’ _If_ ’?” Amami quirked a brow.

“Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die,” a pile on the floor mumbled, scaring the living shit out of the duo standing in the doorway.

“The heck? Is that Saihara-chan? God, go to sleep, you emo! And I’m hurt that you were planning my death too! How mean!”

“Sure, Ouma,” Amami said with a yawn. “That’s only if I don’t kill you first, you shit.”

[ ](https://imgbb.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a short people thing, you wouldnt understand
> 
> THE FANART OH MY GOD IM STILL SCREAMING IF YALL READ THE COMMENTS THEN YOUVE SEEN LETANGEL??? THEYRE AN ACTUAL ANGEL?? HERE TO BLESS ME???? THEY MADE THE FANART IM STILL CRYING OVER IT!!!!! thank you bb its the first time ive gotten fanart :"""""""D 
> 
> theyre [@letahhhhh](https://www.instagram.com/letahhhhh/) on instagram!


	8. i am an evil overlord no i am not soft stfu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo?? After so long??? I am BACK! :D sorry for not updating sooner lmao i was a little overwhelmed w/life and things yk yk

Lazy Saturday mornings are supposed to be spent lounging in bed and cursing the existence of that one roommate who gets up at the ass crack of dawn to start cleaning the place and cooking breakfast. In Ouma's case, however, the roommate was the one and only Shuichi Saihara, also known as the pretty one. He didn't quite have it in his twisted gremlin heart to hate the timid boy.

Which is why Kokichi trudged into the common room and into the kitchen with his grape patterned blanket trailing behind him.

Saihara was humming quietly, an absentminded smile on his face as he tossed eggs in a frying pan. Maybe Shuichi has a thing for eggs? _He seems to eat that almost every morning unless Ramami-chan cooks..._

"Ahh! Ouma-kun is that you?!" Shuichi sounded startled.

Only then did Ouma realize he'd spoken aloud and that his plan to surprise Shuichi by hugging him from behind was now ruined. (Not that Ouma wanted to hug Saihara anyway)

"Nishishi! Yes, Saihara-chan!" Ouma grinned. "I smelled something good, still not sure if it's you or the food!" he added with a wink.

The risk of things getting awkward was worth seeing Saihara pinken.

"Ah, uh, um eggs are easy to make and they don't make me feel nauseated, so I tend to eat them usually. Well, even then, I'd rather not eat anything, but Kaito throws a fit if I skip breakfast, so..."

Saihara flushed again. "Ah, um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ramble..."

 _The nervous rambling thing is rather cute_ , thought Ouma. So was the fondly exasperated look on his face when he spoke of his best friend. 

He wanted Saihara to speak of _him_ that way too.

"Nah, don't worry! You're cute when you rant! You should do it more!"

Clearly that had not been what Saihara had been expecting, if the way he quickly turned back to the eggs was anything to go by.

"O-Ouma-kun, I've made some for you too. Mind getting some plates and cups out?"

"Sure, but don't call me out when I drop 'em all on the floor!"

If Shuichi was even slightly nervous at that proclamation, he didn't show, instead choosing to smile slightly and turn off the gas.

_Wow, he's good..._

_I wonder what it would take to crack his shell?_

Because Ouma Kokichi cannot leave a person as they are, he wants to split them apart, know every nook and cranny of their mind. Where was the fun in life if you couldn't learn which buttons through trial and error? And for Ouma, this enigmatic, intelligent, and somehow emotionally mature boy who wouldn't fall for his jabs was like handing him a cake on a silver platter. How was he supposed to look, not touch? 

After setting the plates and cups on their table, Ouma yelled, "Hey Saihara-chan! Hurry up already! Your evil dictator is waiting for his meal and he doesn't take kindly to tardy servants!"

Poking and prodding at Saihara's psyche could wait for another day. Today, he just wanted to drop his hackles, even if only a little.

"Oh? I'm your servant now?" Saihara raised a brow, but it was ruined by the tiny smile he was trying to hide.

"Yes! Absolutely! And you're going to do everything I say today!" Ouma tapped his fork on his plate impatiently.

"If you're free, that is..." Ouma added quietly at Saihara's silence.

_Of course, he should've known that no one with a half an ounce of self-respect would want to spend any time with him. How could they, when all he did was lie to and insult them? Surely someone like Shuichi had better things to do than waste his time on a basket case-_

"Oh," Saihara had a sweet smile playing about his lips. "I would... really like to spend the day with you. And yeah, no I don't have anything else scheduled for today, so it's fine really, but of course, that's only if you want to, I understand if you don't-"

Ouma laughed at himself. How could he have ever doubted his Saihara-chan?

"My dear, sweet, roommate who cleans up after me even though Ramami tells you not to, I would love nothing more."

__________________________________________________________________________________bonus_________________________________________________________________________________

Rantaro sighed as he tucked Ouma in properly. It was 5 in the morning, and he had an important gig to get to. Momota had left to his grandparents' house for the weekend, and had made plans to come back Sunday evening, since they live close to the university.

He never does sleep in the same position, and finding out what new contortion Ouma's body could get into every morning never failed to cheer Amami up about having to get up so early.

Brushing his hair one last time, he closes the door behind him quietly.

He ends up startled anyway because he finds Saihara standing in the doorway to the kitchen expectantly.

Amami raises an arm to greet him but Saihara interrupts and goes, "Um, Amami-kun, what kind of breakfast food does Ouma-kun like?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theyre such cute dumb dorks save them pls


	9. netflix and chill (literally)(mind out of gutter pls)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII IM BACK V SOON THIS TIME LMFAO  
> on a serious note, im sorry if this book seems a little saiouma centric and thats not your cup of tea, but this book has only BARELY begun! theres much more to come! (no i havent planned anything but i do know i want this to have lots and lots of chapters with almost every character)  
> So I will focus on other ships too, but ya gotta wait for them to be introduced!  
> Which will be happening in the coming chapters lol. thanks for reading!! lotsa love <333

"Saihara-chan, what is this? Here I am thinking you're this inscrutable enigma and then you turn out to be predictable?"

"I apologise if I am not up to your standards, but I refuse to take back my words. I will unapologetically simp for L, whether you like it or not," Saihara calmly sipped his coffee. 

Saihara swallowed his embarrassment when Ouma giggled and clutched at his stomach, unable to stop the laughter spilling from his lips.

They were some very nice lips, he had to admit. Pink and glossy, because of his constant lip-biting, which seemed to be one of Ouma's nervous habits.

Though exactly what Ouma had to be nervous about, Saihara couldn't fathom, since he'd never met anyone more sure of and confident in themselves. But nonetheless, Saihara could relate; he really knew what being nervous was like.

But Ouma was so bright and shiny outside, maybe it was like those plastic Barbie dolls that are superficially beautiful, but are hollow and empty inside? 

OK, never mind, that was the dumbest metaphor he'd ever made up in his head.

Because someone so chaotically complex, so wonderfully, intricately convoluted, couldn't possibly be so simple.

Simple is a word one never used in the context of one Ouma Kokichi, who was anything but.

"Morning sleepyhead! You there? I've been calling out your name for a hundred years, I was about to resort to pulling a prince charming on you!" Ouma literally shook him out of his reverie.

Saihara hid his sudden influx of emotions and a hurricane of butterflies in his stomach with a weak laugh, "A-haha, hah... But I'm a strong, independent emo who don't need no man! Respect my wishes for eternal virginity, Ouma-kun."

He downed the entire mug of coffee and smiled as he watched Ouma howl with laughter.

"AHAHAH I-I'm laughing b-because that was so bad, Saihara-chan!" he wiped a tear from his eye. Giving one final harrumph, he said, "Fine. We can watch Death Note. But you owe me one favour after! Do we have a deal?" 

Ouma's devilish grin scared him a little, he had to admit. Such fire and explosiveness belonged solely in bottles of hot sauce, but he couldn't say it was a bad look on Ouma. 

He would have been able to answer if not for the extreme terror being inflicted on him from the weight of Ouma's blazing, expectant gaze.

This felt unnervingly like making a deal with the devil.

Was Saihara going to do it anyway? Absolutely. You don't refuse short people anything (he'd learned this the hard way.) (But that's a story for another time.)

"Sure," Saihara shrugged nonchalantly, as if his heart and brain weren't currently waging war against each other.

Ouma looked so surprised, Saihara wanted to sort of take back his words. Had he said something weird? 

Was this not how human interaction was supposed to occur? Saihara had never been so confused and worried in his life. (Exaggeration, but to him, every anxiety-inducing incident is the worst. There is no ranking, because every one of them was equally traumatic to him.)

"Saihara-chan."

He was visibly sweating at this point. "Yes?"

"Are you a masochist?"

Saihara almost dropped his mug, but Ouma somehow expected that and grabbed it before it fell.

"Wh-what? I don't understand..." Saihara stammered.

Ouma shrugged. "Don't mind, Saihara-chan! I'm just surprised you play along with my whims." Ouma let a genuine smile grace his face.

Saihara wanted to see more of those, because the other smiles didn't quite show, didn't quite prepare him for the fact that Ouma had round, adorable cheeks that _dimpled._

_Am I in heaven? He's so cute, I can't-_

"It makes me really happy, Saihara-chan."

He barely had time to process one thought before Ouma's grin split wider, showing his small, sharp canines and slightly uneven teeth.

_One person shouldn't be allowed to be this endearing..._

"But that might just be a lie! Why would I want to be complimented? It's not like I have any lack of admirers!"

Funny thing was, Saihara agreed, Ouma definitely should have admirers. He wouldn't be surprised about that. "Of course," Saihara smiled. 

Ouma once again looked surprised, for whatever reason.

If anyone figured out the workings of Ouma Kokichi's inner mind, do give Saihara a call, he'd pay good money for that shit.

But then the seller would probably be Ouma in disguise, and the files would just be a bunch of cat memes and doodles of shiba inus.

Bamboozled again.

"Ouma-kun, please hand me the remote. I want to watch Death Note with you," Saihara oh-so-smoothly changed the topic.

-x-

"WHAT'S NEW SCOOBY DOO? WE'RE COMING AFTER YOU-" 

Saihara quickly declined the call that popped up on his phone. 

Ouma stared at him.

Saihara stared back.

The mortification came rushing back. _Hey couch? It'd be real handy if you could just swallow me whole and erase my existence. Any moment now would be great please and thank you..._

Ouma burst out laughing. Of course he did. Any sane person in this situation would. 

(But maybe just a little, he'd been hoping that Ouma wouldn't be one of those sane people.) (If anyone gets what he means.) (No one probably does anyway)

"Saihara-chan, are you for real?!" Ouma had smooshed his face into the cushions, presumably to muffle his laughter. 

Saihara reddens from embarrassment.

"Y-You don't have to make such a big deal out of it..." Seeing Ouma's eyes widen, he promptly added, "...Sorry."

"Whaaa? I don't get you Saihara-chan!" Ouma wraps his arms around Saihara's blanket huddle. "I can't believe you're a real person! You're so..." Ouma searched for the right word with a look of utmost seriousness.

Have you ever seen Ouma with a scrunchy nose? Saihara wanted to see it again. He wanted to see all of Ouma's expressions. He wanted to feel the fine, delicate features of Ouma's face with his hands.

With his fingertips, with only the gentlest of motions, more like the brush of downy feathers than hands. 

The cupid's bow of his lips, the pointy, upturned nose, the light dusting of freckles just over his nose, the thick dark clumps of his eyelashes and the soft lines of his cheekbones.

"...Perfect! That's what you are!" Ouma said with a blinding smile.

"...Huh?" 

"You! You're super pretty, you like the best shows, you cook, you keep up with me, you're smart, you can be funny in your weird way, and you're ridiculously naive and sweet!" Ouma playfully furrowed his brow and dropped his chin into his fist. "Like, what's up with that? You can't be that cute! It's illegal! I'm supposed to be the criminal here!" Ouma whined, kicked his legs and promptly dropped them into Saihara's lap.

Oh.

That... was rather nice to hear. 

_Is this what being overwhelmed is like_? This is the first time he's felt it in a positive way. He felt like he had trouble breathing a little, because he wanted to cry a little, but also laugh out loud.

What a wonderfully crazy feeling. _Is there a word for it?_ Saihara hoped so. He'd like to make his friends feel this way too.

Ouma was grinning like he knew exactly what he'd done.

Saihara mumbled a quiet thank you and gave a watery smile. 

He then opened his phone to see exactly who ruined a perfectly peaceful morning. (Not that he minded. Getting complimented by Ouma was rare when it wasn't mixed in with a sly insult. He knew the small boy never quite meant any insult in a derivative way, he just liked teasing. But it was nice, nonetheless, to be praised so sincerely)

**GOATEE MAN!!**

_ay bro makiroll and a bunch of her friends r having a study nite tmrw. wanna come with? amami's coming too_

Ouma peered over curiously, but Saihara moved his phone away. The last thing he needed was Kaito getting dejected because Ouma wounded his manly pride by dissing his goatee.

"What's up?" Ouma feigned disinterest.

"Someone Kaito and I know is having a study night tomorrow. He wanted to know if I'd be coming. He invited Amami-kun too, apparently," Saihara smiled at the prospect of seeing Maki again. It'd been a while since they'd last spoken.

"Oh, okay. Cool. Have fun, I guess!" Ouma grinned, this time without its usual lustre.

Why was he suddenly acting like Kaito when someone found that picture of a goat biting his pants? Kaito had looked like he wanted to cry but was too embarrassed to at the time.

Oh.

 _Ohhhhhh_.

"Of course you're invited, dummy," he gently knocked Ouma's head with his knuckles.

"I knew that! Of course they'd want me there, I'm the smartest person on campus!"

"Well, I definitely want you there."

\---------------------bonus----------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Gran!! Guess what!" Momota said excitedly between bites of food.

"What is it? And don't speak while you're eating, child." Kaito's grandmother was a sensible woman with sensible manners and she will not take anyone's bullshit.

"I learned how to do laundry! My roommate taught me!"

"Well it's about time you stopped acting like a caveman and learned basic human hygiene. I better go thank this roommate of yours."

"HEY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyo tell me where i can get a sassy gran like momota pls  
> also saihara your gay is RAGING KINDLY C H I L L  
> its probs obvious at this point but im projecting my love for ouma on saihara im SORRY BUT I LOVE MY GREMLIN


	10. everyone except maki has a good time ft. ikeman amami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY HEY THE BIVTCH IS BAACK!! AND WITH A HALF-ASSED CHAPTER TOO WOW!! I'm so sorry for disappearing for?? 3??months or so idk but hey I'm back an di love you guys?? please I have no clue how to apologize pls love me thanks mwah <33
> 
> ok, a disclaimer but I started this chapter with a lot of motivation but it was getting long and I had to stop and continue the next day and it just didn't come out right so I had to cut short. so,, because I love yall sm (and bc tbh I wanna know what happens too lol) I'm gonna make a part 2 for this!! yay! all hail himi!!!

Kaede was a responsible girl. She does her assignments on time, keeps her room clean, is polite to the old ladies at the senior centre and is generally adored by everyone she meets. 

No one ever thinks _“Ew I hate her,”_ or _“Ugh she’s a little annoying,”_ when they meet Kaede Akamatsu, social butterfly extraordinaire.

After having spent 10 minutes in the company of one (1) Kokichi Ouma, she understands that you can’t please everybody. What a shame. He seemed like such a smart boy too.

Sure, she knew she was optimistic and made sure not to judge people based on first appearances, but she wasn’t naive. She knew that this boy could play her like a fiddle. 

Depending on his mood, she could end up with a burning library or an empty wallet.

He could be on the front page of the newspaper for arson or present her with  _ Congratulations! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free 1000$ Walmart gift card, iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8. Click ‘OK’ to claim your pri- _

For the sake of her friendship with the librarian and her sanity and her bank account, (or maybe even all three) she better keep an eye on the guy.

_ Scary, but manageable.  _ She could wrangle anyone, after all.

These were the thoughts running through her head as Ouma and Kaito wrestled on the table. Shuichi was hiding under said table, shivering. God knows where that Amami guy was. Maki would be here any moment, and Kaede was terrified. She would probably go on a rampage and strangle both Kaito and Ouma.

We couldn’t have that.

Kaede spread her arms and began to speak, but right then, Ouma sprang out of Kaito’s chokehold and promptly threw Maki’s binder at him. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE HELL MAN? WHY’D YOU THROW A PORTFOLIO AT ME-”

“Someone care to explain what the hell is going on here,” said a new voice, one that came from a person who looked like death incarnate. No one was immune to her glare; Kaede could see Ouma shudder out of the corner of her eye.

It truly was spectacularly bad timing. Ouma stood crouched on the table, tense as a bowstring, like he was about to pounce on Kaito. 

Kaito held up the portfolio as if to shield himself, with a ridiculously terrified expression on his face.

Shuichi was curled up below the table, looking like that one meme of the man on the floor trying not to cry.

And Kaede herself with her arms raised, trying to calm everyone down, but miserably failing.

Maki took a few steps forward and very gently closed the door behind her. Honestly, this calm before the raging storm was way scarier than if she’d just started throwing knives at them.

“You. Himbo. Why do you have my _very_ important portfolio that took two weeks to make,” she sounded so flat it didn’t even sound like a question. More like she made a statement to garner a response from Kaito and gauge exactly how hard she should defenestrate him.

“He-heyyyy Maki roll! Wassup!” He very slowly lowered his arms and put the binder down. When Maki glared harder, Kaito quickly put his hands up in surrender. “It wasn’t me, I swear! It was the little squirt! He threw it at me!” Kaito pointed a shaking finger at Ouma.

Ouma scrambled to hide under the table, behind Shuichi.

Before Maki could grab for her knife, someone else made a rather loud entrance.

_ BANG! _

“Ah, sorry! My hands are full and I couldn’t open the door so I kicked it,” a green-haired boy Kaede presumed was Amami said.

Noticing that he had come in at the right time, he put all the snacks on one of the tables. Then he extinguished the fires one by one.

He picked up Maki’s binder and placed it in a corner. Then he grabbed Kaito by the collar and made him sit on the chair. He swooped in under the table and dragged Ouma out by the ear and made him apologize to Maki, who was watching all of this in a daze, but still with a tight grip on her knife. He picked up Saihara and placed him in a chair like the others, albeit more gently.

Then he bowed and smiled apologetically at the girls. “I’m so sorry about them. Usually, they’re better than this. Akamatsu-san and Harukawa-san, right? I’m Rantaro Amami. Pleased to meet you.” 

Wow. Kaede had the sudden urge to introduce this very level-headed and polite boy to her mother.

Maki and she took a seat, the former somewhat reluctantly. Amami, sensing this, smiled again. “Harukawa-san, I have Astro Cake. Would you like some?” he asked, holding out a small plate.

Maki looked at him suspiciously.

“Ah, I'm sorry. Kaito mentioned you like it? If you don’t you could try-”

“No, it’s fine,” she said, grabbing the cake quickly and refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

_ Now seemed like the right time to begin introductions! _

“So, now that everyone’s here, good evening! I’m Kaede Akamatsu! I’ve been friends with Shuichi-kun since middle school, and Kaito-kun and Maki since highschool. Do you guys like your dorm?”

Kokichi twirled a strand of his hair in his fingers, watching Kaede carefully. “Heya Akamatsu-chan! You obviously know my and Ramami’s names, after that shitstorm!” He grinned, but that didn’t really make her any less unnerved. 

“Yeah, our dorms are nice, since there are four of us. Ouma and I share a room, and he has… questionable taste in decor, to put it mildly,” Amami sighed.

Kaede snorted, and Ouma huffed in protest. “I’m not that bad! Saihara-chan has a nest in his room anyway!”

“Don’t talk about my sidekick that way! It’s his MAN-”

“Kaito please-”

“Oh, right it’s his _THINKING_ man cave! Proper terminology, man. I thought you were supposed to be smart!

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“So umm, can someone help me with this math problem-”

\------------bonus-----------

“...so yeah, she’s great, Ouma-kun, I’m sure she’ll make you feel welcome and…” Shuichi trailed off.

“Why aren’t you taking your material with you?” Saihara asked. For some reason, he was always nervous when climbing stairs, so he watched carefully so as no to trip. However, he paused and looked at Ouma.

“I’m not going there to study,” Ouma said glaring at his shoes.

“Uh, why else then?”

“I’m scouting out the enemy, shush.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYA! THANKS FOR READING LMAO  
> oh oh and EVERYONE PLEASE GO GIVE LETAH SOME LOVE (I've linked her insta in the previous chaps) SHES SUCH A SWEETHEART PLEASE honestly you're a good beta too I'm sorry you have to deal an impractical, mood-swing-y, trashy author like me lol  
> so to give yall a lil smth to chew on, next chapter (continuation of this,) will feature LOTS MORE of kaede dying inside, rantaro being the perfect bf, shuichi being the whole fandom in general, ouma being a piece of shit, maki raging and kaito throwing a hissy fit bc they keep undermining his masculinity and intelligence
> 
> (dw kaito i and we love you sm mwah)
> 
> WHEN I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER IM MAKING SOME PARTS OF THIS INTO COMICS, SO COMMENT DOWN IF YOU HAVE ANY FAVOURITES!!  
> also feel free to suggest things, I'm more than happy to indulge lmao


End file.
